Saturday, March 05, 2005
When I first moved to Ann Arbor 5 or 6 years ago I moved in with a friend that I had met earlier that year who was in immediate need of a roommate. I was looking to get out of my place and she was a really great girl, so it worked out pretty good for both of us. Her name was Helena and she was one of those girls who was obsessed with things being amazingly clean, but on her it was kind of a charming trait. We lived together for about a year and after a few months we became really close. We had an odd relationship where we didn't really get involved in each others lives, but we trusted each other completely to talk about problems we were having or just to blow off some steam now and then. She was by far the best roommate I've ever had. Unfortunately, when it came time for our lease to be up, some things had happened in both our lives that led us to decide we weren't going to renew the lease. We would just make other arrangements for our living situations, though I think we would have been happier staying where we were. The last month was really uneasy and uncomfortable between us, but for no apparent reason. When I had moved my things out I didn't even wait around to tell her goodbye; of course, she was pretty busy herself getting moved into her new place, so she wasn't really around either. I didn't talk to her again after that.
I never felt good about how things were left between us and I constantly told myself I was going to go see her at her work sometime and make it up to her, but I always felt strange about it. I just kept putting it off. I knew I would do it one day and then everything would be fine (or at least better). Well, a couple of months before I left for California I saw her walking with a friend in the Briarwood Mall in Ann Arbor. I was really happy to see her and I wanted to go talk to her, but she seemed like she wasn't in the best of moods so I opted to wait until next time. I tortured myself for the rest of that week about being so afraid to just go talk to a friend that I hadn't seen in a few years. Next time I would do it for sure.
Last week I was speaking to my friend, Chuck (not that one), who had had a huge crush on her way back when and we started talking about Helena and how long it's been. It got me thinking and I decided I was going to give her a call and see how she was doing. Earlier today I recieved a phone call from Chuck. I didn't answer the call, but he left a message for me to call him back. When I called him back he told me that he had decided to stop by Helena's work and just say, "Hi", for old time's sake. When asked to speak to her, they told him that Helena had passed away about a year ago. They didn't say how and he didn't bother asking. When I heard the news I was devastated. I had seen her just over a year ago and passed up my last chance to share a warm hello with an old friend. Who knows? It could have been weeks, days, or even minutes from the time that she died and I'll never forgive myself for that. I don't know why I'm sharing this, but it's really weighing hard on me right now.
Just remember, nobody is promising you tomorrow so don't miss out on the things that you could do today.
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